What I Wish I Knew Last January

This morning I was up early and as I sat preparing for my day with a homemade cappuccino and my journal, I thought about what I wish I’d known last January when I was working on my goals. And the 35 Januarys before that.

Well, maybe 24 years of Kelly in January resolution mode since I’m pretty sure my biggest worry when I was 8 was that I would incorrectly write “1992” on my homework instead of “1993.” Oh, to have such baby anxieties again!

So here’s my thoughts to my former selves:

Dear Kelly,

It’s January again and you’re filled with the hope and belief that a new calendar signifies your life will radically change the moment that page flips to the new year. I am so sorry, you have been brainwashed by the sellers of stationary who also insist that a fresh journal, new pens in new colors and maybe even that page full of stickers will impart magical discipline.

They will not.

Keep collecting good pens and stickers though, they’re super fun and should be enjoyed. Post-its too.

I know you harbor this belief that if you can just find the right schedule, the correct app, the perfect plan to your day then each day will be full of ease and abundance. In your preteens an abundance of friends and fun, in your teen ease with school, in college the ability to catch up on debate reading, in your 20s an abundance of friends and fun, in your 30s a marginally cleaner house and better work schedule.

So I’m going to reveal the secret, the one that everyone has been hiding from you: there is no one right way.

The spiral bound calendar you used in high school was perfect for the time and place you were in. The apps to track your habits were great a few years ago. The bullet journal works well other years. But there is no single path forward, especially as your goals shift and change over time.

I know, I know, you still want that perfect schedule that gives you time to work and play, workout and sleep deeply, catch up on all things Netflix and read more books… and here’s another secret: perfection is boring.

You love routine, until you get bored.

Then you love chaos, until you get overwhelmed.

Then you love routine again.

But take heart, Kelly, because not having this mystical perfect schedule and calendar and plan doesn’t mean all is lost. You still have a great business, friends, sleep, Netflix and space to workout.

Discipline is not conveyed by the perfect planner, it is practiced every day and moment. I know, I was disappointed as well. It would be nice if we could refill those discipline reserves once a year and then, the detailed plans you’re making for the next 12 months would automatically happen.

(Side note: stop planning so far ahead. There are some curve balls coming and it’s just sad when we have to erase all those notes and schedules because the world changed and priorities shift when a literal grifter clown tries to destroy Democracy. Shit happens, gotta stay agile girl!)

Your discipline comes in the little moments like choosing to pick up those socks and put them in the laundry, replying to that email in the now instead of later, making dinner from home instead of ordering out. Discipline is not a bank you draw from, it is a muscle you flex and the more you work it, the easier it becomes to lift the weight of doing what’s right instead of what’s easy.

Life won’t always be difficult either, I promise.

Somedays you’ll feel like you crushed the work day – projects are all caught up, clients are pleased with your work, you’re engaged in the flow and can’t wait to do it all again tomorrow.

Other days you’ll be so well rested and taken care of that moving feels like bliss. You’ve had a great massage or chiropractic adjustment, you’re stretching properly, moving easily, and caring for your body.

There might be days when the house looks awesome, things are put away where they belong, the dirty dishes are actually done, dusting is done and the dogs have not tracked in any mud or debris and is that a fully made bed I see? Niiiice.

Some days or weeks you’ll have a really solid routine of exercise, whether at home or the local gym, but each day you feel good about your movement, trying new things and what you know works. Your joy comes from feeling stronger and more capable to kick asses.

But here’s the thing, Kelly, not all these days will happen at once. I’ve learned that finding “balance” is like standing up straight when you’re on a boat in the ocean. It’s possible but fleeting. The challenge is in continually readjusting your stance to find balance in the moment, depending on the environment and what you need.

Recently there have been some rough seas. It would feel dystopian and also incredible if I told you that our 2022 slogans were “don’t drink your own urine” and “stop listening to that jacked up dude from Fear Factor for health advice” but here we are.

Today it’s January and I encourage you to be curious, try new things, buy those pretty pens. But stop thinking that there is any perfect way to do this wonderful, chaotic life we have been given.

Sincerely, 2022 me