Are You An Over-Giver?

Often we think of giving as a good thing but what happens when it crosses the line into over giving? Recently I was thinking about how we use our time and boiled work time down to a few categories:

Creating : When you’re creating it is the time when you feel aligned, “in the zone” and your most creative self. For some people it’s photography or creating art, for others it’s copy writing, web design, business coaching, or cooking. This creating time may be directly linked to serving clients (commissioned time) or simply developing the programs, content and products that are meant to serve others.

Serving : this time is dedicated to delivering what you’ve created. It could mean teaching a class or setting up products in a shop or the actual in person (or on the phone) coaching time. Service is critical if you’re going to stay in business, because while you can create endlessly, it’s a solo exercise. Serving brings in the customer or clients who benefit from your creations.

Doing : When you’re “doing” this encompasses all the other things that surround our work lives. It could be marketing, admin, email, setting up calls, working on a shopping cart, all the things that have to get done in order to create and serve our work. It may seem as if this is the least important but these are tasks that must be completed if that which you’re creating is going to reach the people you’re serving.

As I’ve worked with so many entrepreneurs I see a few common dangers  as people work around these three archetypes which occur when things are out of balance. One of these problems is when you’re focused on serving but are not charging.

The over giver is a person who loves to serve and is so impassioned about what they’ve created that most of the time is spent sharing it with anyone who will listen. Sometimes this person is so intent on giving that they can’t tell the other party isn’t interested or that someone is taking advantage of their generosity and excitement. The over giver is also getting frustrated because while you know that you have created something of value, others aren’t paying what it’s worth.

The over giver constantly gives too much and struggles with finances, feelings of self worth and balance.

I’ve seen real and wonderful people break down in tears admitting, “if I don’t give this [help, product, time] then people won’t like me anymore.” And as much as we fight it there’s a little of that fear in all of us.

Over giving usually begins with the best of intentions as we create something that we think is valuable for others. We may mean for it to be a lead generation tool, a taste of what we can do or something to drive traffic and sales. Maybe you’re creating something for sale but lose heart when it comes to selling and end up giving away the program for free (or trade).

Or maybe you get asked over and over for advice and consultations and can’t say no because at least someone is interested!

Whatever the reason, the damages are the same and very real. By over-giving you’re often neglecting creative time to develop and complete projects that bring value to your business. And you may be giving so much that you don’t have time to do the essential tasks that bring in clients, traffic and opportunities. Additionally, over givers are the most likely to suffer from frustration and fears of inadequacy – not knowing why they can’t make money when they’re helping so many people.

There’s a very real risk of burnout when you’re giving so much away and not being compensated fairly.

If you relate to the over-giver trap then there’s a great opportunity to stop giving away too much for free and create real boundaries.